Passing on a relationship with someone who doesn’t meet all of your criteria could mean that you miss out on a great relationship.
Cristina’s story is one of a woman with an extensive list of criteria for her “perfect” match: athletic, type A, overachiever, highly intellectual, disciplined, well-established in a career, family-oriented, and spiritual.
These companies quickly realized that what we say we’re looking for is extremely different from who we actually end up dating.
According to Ansari, with the subsequent ubiquity of online dating and apps such as Tinder, we find ourselves with so many potential matches—but more confused about what we’re looking for than ever. When he set up dummy profiles on several dating sites in search of fodder for comedy writing about online dating, he stipulated that he was looking for someone “a little younger than me, small, with dark hair,” but he observed that his current girlfriend is “two years older, about my height—OKAY, SLIGHTLY TALLER—and blond.
Give the guy a second chance before you decide that he doesn’t make the cut.
Jennifer shared that one of the initial roadblocks to dating her now-husband was that he didn’t match the qualities she expected based on the unrealistic standards touted by most chick flicks.
“I began to realize how much of the awkwardness and lack of chemistry came down to nerves,” Grace explained.
“After going on two dates, I got a much clearer sense of whether the potential for real chemistry was there.”Ansari agrees.
It’s not the kind of stuff you can categorize.”“He isn’t perfect, but he is perfect for me,” was a common sentiment among the women interviewed.In college, she says she was more focused on having fun in the moment with a boyfriend, and concern about whether he got along with her family wasn’t even on her radar.But realizing that she needed to rethink what she looked for in a relationship, she took a yearlong break from dating.Like Derek, it’s easy to reduce potential dates to items on a checklist, and, when one criterion doesn’t match up, we move on to the next option.With so many options available through online dating and dating apps, it seems logical that if we keep looking long enough, we will find the absolute perfect match.
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In his book, he explains that when he started going on more dates with the same person before deciding if they clicked, he “discovered things about them that weren’t initially apparent.