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"Much research suggests that women have roundabout ways of telling their partners what they need." For instance, Bell says she used to make generalized requests of her husband such as "Please take out the trash." What Bell meant was, "Please take out the trash in the next 15 minutes." What her husband heard was, "Please take out the trash sometime this weekend." Separation from your husband isn't necessary, they claim, although it may be the only way to force change.
The main point is, "once you've determined that making a change is really important, you must take a course of action and stick to it. So are garages, the back seat of the family sedan, and maybe a secluded corner of a public park, if the spirit so moves.
Which is no great surprise," write the authors of a new book called The Scorecard: How to Fix Your Man in One Year or Less. The authors don't talk about how they finally met, but once they did, and compared notes, they saw so many parallels it occurred to them that other wives must be just as frustrated and miserable.
"It was second nature for us to clean up their messes; at this point we couldn't even depend on them to know how to get dumped without our help." Julie Bell and Donna Brown share uncannily similar stories of marital wrack and ruin. Each wanted specific changes to her husband's behaviour.
The nagging and screaming had become a vicious cycle: we were stuck in the role of Nagging Mom and our husbands had been cast as the Bitter, Sullen Teenagers." For wives who want to try this at home, the authors suggest first making an inventory of problem areas with your husband.
"We did it first by identifying the areas that needed improvement and defining our expectations, and then by giving our partners specific tasks and determining the necessary measurements to hold them accountable for improvement.
It may sound cold and rigorous and corporate, but it was all we had to fall back on." Write down your issues and prioritize, they suggest.
There is a variety of reasons when a couple's sexualities may simply not be compatible. In 70% of workaholism-related divorces it was men who were the cause, and 30% women.
Men are only slightly more likely to cheat: 55% of all marriages that end as the result of adultery is because the man cheated. A survey done in 2004 found that 93% of divorce cases were petitioned by women, very few of which were contested.